The 35-year-old Hanoian and her family immediately started paying the price for this mistake when they bought the land 3 years ago.
When Thao started working on the foundation of the house, his neighbors started causing trouble.
At first, they accused her of encroaching on their land, as Thao built according to the boundary shown on his official land certificate.
After that, Thao was taken to the neighborhood office by the neighbor who accused her that the foundation excavation work was creating cracks in the walls of their house, despite the fact that everyone could see that the cracks existed. previously. As a result, construction was delayed for a month.
Once the problem was solved, Thao was allowed to start building his house again.
But neighbors scolded her and her husband every day because of the noise and dust from construction, even when they covered the site with a tarp. When it came time to plaster the border wall, Thao asked his neighbors for permission to erect scaffolding.
“We’ll cut you off if you step over,” one said, according to Thao. In the end, she was forced to waterproof the inside of her house, which cost more.
It was hoped that peace would be restored once the house was completed, but relations between the two families never improved.
When the neighbor swept the driveway, they swept half the trash towards Thao’s door. They stopped this when Thao installed a security camera, but then the neighbor started burning their leaves in their garden. On those days, the smoke made it difficult for everyone in Thao’s family to breathe.
“A few days ago, I poured a bucket of water on the burning leaves, and they threatened to sue me for damaging their property,” Thao said.
The two families had several conflict mediation sessions with the head of their local civil council, but the situation always ended up back to square one a few days later.
The feud lasted three years until Thao finally drove his family away. But she never knew why her neighbors were so mean.
Neighbors were also a source of fear and annoyance for Vu Ha in Thu Duc, HCMC.
His family was constantly watched and referred to as “outsiders” because the majority of people around them had lived there for decades before Ha moved to town.
When the family gathered at Ha’s house, at least one neighbor always came to spy on them.
No one said anything when the house across the street from Ha opened a store and its residents started getting up at 3 a.m. every morning and talking to each other loud enough that their voices echoed throughout the neighborhood. But when Ha’s child fell ill and cried for two nights, neighbors visited her to complain.
Ha said this constant pressure was a major source of stress in her life. “They say they love your neighbors, but I don’t see any love in this neighborhood,” he said.
According to statistics from a neighborhood in the Go Vap District (HCMC) in 2022, 83% of news about community disruptions are related to disputes over residents’ daily habits (karaoke, noisy dinner parties, pets roaming free, sanitation, building, etc.). This figure in the first 5 months of 2023 was 90%.
The Police Department for Social Order Administrative Management said there were 5,500 disputes involving nearly 11,000 people nationwide in the first quarter, of which 2,200 cases were family disputes, while 3,300 were social disputes.
In a survey of readers of VnExpress, regarding the question “If a naughty neighbor affected your life, how would you react?” 13% of readers said they would make a smooth return, 58% would report the issue to the authorities, and 21% would move elsewhere.
Conflict resolution
Phuong Thao’s family was among those who moved elsewhere because they couldn’t get along with their neighbors. Knowing better this time, they researched their neighbors before buying the house. When they found out that their neighbors were all well-educated people who didn’t interfere in other families’ affairs, Thao felt relieved.
However, not everyone can afford to get up and move when they have a dispute with their neighbors like Thao’s family.
According to psychologist Nguyen Thi Minh, a lecturer at HCMC’s National Academy of Public Administration, once an argument between neighbors erupts, the best way to resolve it is to work together.
“If you experience the same thing in the new place you are moving to, will you move again?” Minh asked.
“The best thing is to make friends with our neighbors,” advised the psychologist.
Hung Vi, a former professor at Vietnam National University in Hanoi, said that when living in a community, only sincerity, harmony, respect for law and humility can convert another person. He argued that we should never infringe on the freedom of others.
“If we open up to others, they will do the same with us,” Vi said.
Before, just thinking about ways to deal with her neighbors caused Ha a lot of stress. After that, he started sweeping not only the front of his house, but also the entire driveway every morning for exercise.
Gradually everyone in the neighborhood saw this and decided to help clean up. Seeing how clean the neighborhood has become, families who had dogs have stopped letting their pets go where they please.
From then on, Ha took the initiative to greet and talk more with his neighbors. Those who were once “unpleasant” are now more friendly and open. He finally realized that if we can open up to take care of each other, then the neighborhood will always be happy.
