I am 38 and my wife is 37. We have been married for 10 years and live in Germany. We have two children, a nine year old girl and a five year old boy.
My wife got a scholarship for a PhD program in Germany five years ago, so we moved to the country from HCMC. She got a good job after getting her doctorate, with the possibility of obtaining a permanent residence permit. Since then, we have been arguing about our future.
I want to go back to Vietnam because I am the eldest child and my younger sister lives away from my parents after her marriage. My parents are already over 65 and live about 70 kilometers from HCMC. So they need someone to take care of them.
My biggest concern is that my elderly parents may feel sad every vacation because they don’t have children by their side. I will also have the chance to pursue a career aligned with my university major after my return.
But my wife insists on staying in Germany. She argues that the education and welfare systems in Germany are better, which I agree with, so she wants our children to stay here.
She is content with her current occupation and is also the youngest child in her family. Her parents live with one of her brothers and his family, so she doesn’t have many responsibilities with them.
We talked a lot, but we did not reach a mutual agreement. I suggest that we can return to Vietnam, establish our careers and send our children overseas later. But my wife says she wants us to stay in Germany and visit my parents in Vietnam, which can last for weeks every year.
We both understand each other’s reasoning, but we can’t agree with each other.
I don’t want to separate from my wife, because we are compatible in almost everything. If I am determined to return to Vietnam, separation is almost an inevitable end. In the meantime, if I stay, I’m going to worry about my parents.
The last five years have been enough, I don’t want to stay away from them anymore.
