We got married nine years ago and are the parents of two children. Even though we are not rich, we do well thanks to my husband’s commitment to his work, which brings us a good salary.
After a five-year work hiatus due to childbirth and raising children, I recently returned to work as an office worker, earning a modest salary of VND15 million (US$635) per month. month.
In the past, when I was at home with our children and my husband frequently went on business trips, my parents would come from the countryside to help me out. Now aged around sixty, they are retired and without any source of income. So I make it a point to allocate part of my income – around 5 million VND every month – to cover their living and medical expenses.
My husband transitioned to remote work three years ago, eliminating the need for business travel. At the same time, my parents returned to the countryside permanently. Despite this, I continue to support them financially, given their modest income from a small garden.
They still visit the city every month for medical appointments due to my mother’s chronic illness, and each time they stay with us to spend time with their grandchildren for a day or two. My children cherish these visits, rejoicing in the company of their grandparents, the stories they share, and the traditional country meals they prepare.
Now, my husband objects to my parents’ brief stays during their medical visits. He first alluded to it when expressing concern for my parents’ well-being given the distance they had to travel for their medical appointments. Opting for silence to avoid arguments, I was confronted by his outright declaration of feeling overwhelmed by their visits. He remarked, “No son-in-law puts up with such frequent visits as yours. »
This attitude towards my parents’ visits has been evident for about a year.
I know my husband’s character well. He is a hard worker, refraining from trivial activities and avoiding tobacco and alcohol, socializing sparingly over coffee while keeping me informed.
However, disagreements between us have become frequent over the past year, exacerbated by my husband’s traditional views. He insists that I need his permission for social outings and exhibits unpleasant behavior if I return home after 8:30 p.m. from outings with friends or coworkers.
He remains true to his beliefs regarding proper wifely behavior, keeping a close eye on my whereabouts. However, when I’m late, his anger is inevitable. Although this tension dissipates after one to three weeks, it is a superficial resolution, with underlying issues persisting as he seeks more control. His outbursts are not uncommon, often involving hurtful remarks.
Despite expressing my feelings and seeking understanding, it has yet to result in positive change. This leaves me feeling helpless within our marriage as minor issues gradually drive me away from him emotionally. I now feel isolated and vulnerable in our relationship. There came a time when I began to differentiate what is his from what is not, except for our children, in our life together.
His strong stance against my parents’ visits marks a critical turning point, diminishing my desire to negotiate or discuss further with him.
However, I chose to hide our marital problems from my parents and those close to me to maintain my husband’s respect and avoid worrying them. Since we are still married, he remains my husband and I feel obligated to protect the privacy and dignity of our family. I also want to focus on ensuring a stable environment for my children’s education and my parents’ happy twilight years.
Is this approach correct?
