I am an illegitimate child, and my mother gave birth to me when she was 41. I never knew who my father was, and my mother raised me all on her own.
After graduating from college, I moved to the capital and worked myself to the bone there. My annual salary is now VND500 million ($21,260). I am an introvert, so I don’t have many relationships and had never dated anyone before meeting my now-husband when I was 33.
He gave me a sense of peace and trust and was the first man in my life. He’s quite an amorous man and his most recent relationship lasted five years.
Apparently it ended because she rejected his marriage proposal for some unknown reason. He said he wouldn’t want to marry her because they fought all the time, and I trusted him.
After a short time, we got married when I was two months pregnant. Due to my personal history, I laid down my boundaries to him: I could condone anything, except cheating. He promised to love me and our child for the rest of his life, and I trusted him completely.
My husband is a hard-working and simple man. Everyone said we were good for each other. I’m rather meek and respectful to others, and my husband knows how to treat both sides of our families well.
However, after our marriage, he started his selfish side. Whenever I accidentally knocked something, he would start grumbling.
I would say: “You must have stopped loving me because you are never satisfied with whatever I do.” He replied: “I’m just saying this so you can be more careful.” So, I let it go.
I gave birth to our first child, so my mother moved in with us to help me take care of our child. My husband always helped me with the baby and dinner after work, and he always slept at home. When our firstborn turned 10 months old, a second pregnancy came unplanned.
I initially wanted to terminate the pregnancy because I had to do a C-section with our first, and I didn’t want to give birth so soon after my first especially at my age. Moreover, our first child was still too young. My husband told me that children are a blessing, so I should carry the baby to term. The next day, he announced the news of my second pregnancy to both sides of the family.
I was under the impression my husband just didn’t know how to show his emotions despite loving us very much. When I was over two months pregnant, I discovered his infidelity. It turns out that he got back with his ex when I was about to give birth to our first child.
Their plan was to wait until our first child turned two to get a divorce. They would then get custody of my firstborn after I gave birth to our second-born. I cried so much because I had no siblings growing up, and my world only consisted of my mom. My husband and child became my whole world after I got married.
I managed to calm down and decided to get a divorce. I still love my husband, so after listening to his apology and his promise to make it up to me and my child, I softened and decided to continue living with him.
We have fought almost every day since then. I am allowed to post sad statuses on social media, or mention his infidelity, or him not caring about us when we got sick.
It hurts so much whenever I thought about it. If his ex ever got upset when he mentioned something from the past, he would do everything to reassure her.
When I did the same, he accused me of always talking about the same thing all over again, saying I was annoying. He has never yielded to me, not even once. To him, I am always the one that initiates our fights.
Recently, I have come to realize that the reason he asked for a second chance wasn’t to make things up to me, but to keep torturing me.
After more than two months of this gloomy marriage, it dawned on me that it was not a wrong decision to give him a second chance because if I hadn’t I might have regretted it.
I didn’t know if I did the right thing. I just know that I feel neither sadness nor disappointment now.
What I need the most now is custody of my two children. I don’t care about what my husband does or says anymore.
