My stepfather is the eldest of three siblings, and the house my stepparents live in originally belonged to my stepfather, so my stepfather is responsible for looking after his elderly father. who was sent to a nursing home two years ago.
The nursing home charges 7 million VND per month. My father-in-law left 100 million VND to my in-laws before registering at home, and his monthly pension of 3 million dong is also paid to my in-laws, so I think they shouldn’t have no problem paying childcare costs.
But my stepfather spoke to me and my husband a few days ago. He said we only had one child, so we didn’t have a lot of financial burdens yet, and because of that, we would have to pay part of my father-in-law’s expenses, which, to my opinion, made no sense.
On top of that, my father-in-law blamed me for not checking on my father-in-law frequently. He said my husband and I should give him 1 million VND per month and visit the nursing home twice a week.
I was angry because I think taking care of my stepfather is my stepparents’ responsibility. They didn’t and instead sent him to a nursing home, so they have no right to ask us to take on this responsibility.
My husband and I have also taken our child to the nursing home occasionally, but not too often as we are both busy with work, but it was our way of showing how much we care.
My husband was also upset. He said his father never touched my stepfather although he sometimes brought him home because he was afraid of getting dirty.
He said his father always asks him and my stepmother to clean my stepfather’s body and help him to go to the bathroom, saying he is in pain and he doesn’t couldn’t do these things.
So my husband and I told my father-in-law to give us time so we could think things through and organize our financial plans. My father-in-law then replied: “1 million [Vietnam dong] is nothing compared to 7 million, what else do you have to consider?”
I think my stepdad is selfish for not taking care of his own dad but wanting others to do it instead. I suspect he also asked us for money to play as he has been involved in football betting for decades.
By the way, my husband and I have a total monthly income of around 25 million VND. We give our in-laws 4 million VND every month so that they can partly cover their expenses and they have to pay our children’s rent, bills and school fees on top of that. So we are not so financially stable.
My husband and I decided to refuse my stepfather, although we knew his reaction might be harsh. But I feel my husband is still conflicted, so I want to ask others’ opinions.
Do you think we are right to refuse this request?
