Rising before his children move and returning home well after midnight, Tung finds himself caught in a relentless cycle that leaves little room for family ties. This exhausting routine, stretching over weeks, has deprived him of the simple pleasure of seeing his children’s faces, an absence deeply felt by Tung and his family.
The demands of Tung’s profession are relentless, with days spent tied to his desk, wolfing down quick meals between tasks. Despite the financial rewards – Tung earns around VND80 million ($3,228) a month, allowing him to provide a better standard of living for his family – the consequences on his personal life are clear.
For weeks, Tung did not have a single meal with his family. Her daughter was so eager to have a meal with her parents that she tried to get up quickly when her mother shouted, “Daddy is about to go to work.”
Although Tung is proud of his ability to provide for his family financially, he recognizes the sacrifices made along his journey.
“I’m proud to be able to send my daughter to the best school,” he said. Weekends are a blur of work commitments, leaving few opportunities for leisure or connection with loved ones.
On his wife’s birthday or when he gives gifts to his children, he can only transfer money. “My wife has reminded me many times to spend time with my children, even if it’s just a little,” he said.
For the past two years, Duc Thanh, 34, from the northern province of Lang Son, has teamed up with a friend to open a medical equipment business in Hanoi. He also learned more about stock investing and worked as a manager for a service company in his hometown.
He commutes between Hanoi and Lang Son every other weekend and spends the rest of his time working. Thanh often told his wife that he would come home early, but he did not show up until midnight.
“Every night he flops lazily on the bed, not bothering to change his clothes. I love my husband but I’m always angry because he doesn’t keep so many promises,” said his wife Thu .
Like Tung, Thanh has a three-year-old child. The husband wants his wife and children to have a good life, so he strives to succeed. “Men must be able to take care of their wives and children if they want to start a family,” Thanh said.
In Vietnam, a significant number of men are pursuing careers to fulfill their role of providing for their families. Research by the Institute for Social Development Studies (ISDS) reveals that 25% of men surveyed face various pressures in life, with more than 80% struggling with economic strain and almost 70% feeling the weight of professional expectations.
According to Associate Professor Dr Nguyen Duc Loc, director of the Institute of Social Life, traditional gender roles, in which men are seen as the primary providers, remain deeply rooted in Vietnamese culture. From childhood, boys are groomed to take on this role, a responsibility that becomes more pronounced upon marriage.
“For men who do not have a stable life and have not achieved economic stability, masculine nature pushes them to become stronger and earn more money, and at the same time,” he said. he declares.
Despite advances toward gender equality, societal expectations still dictate that men shoulder the majority of the financial burden, often to the detriment of their well-being and family relationships. The relentless pursuit of success can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame when expectations are not met, thereby exacerbating the pressure.
Dr. Loc emphasizes that this pressure can have disastrous consequences. The ISDS study “Men and Masculinity in Vietnam” highlights that nearly 3% of men surveyed reported having suicidal thoughts due to financial and professional pressures. This phenomenon is more widespread in the 18-29 age group, where the rate reaches 5.4%, the highest among all age groups surveyed.
For people like Tung, whose livelihoods are threatened by financial instability, the stress can be overwhelming and manifest in physical and emotional turmoil.
However, Dr. Loc warns that this relentless focus on work can strain family bonds, leading to marital discord and emotional detachment. Such was the case of Thanh and his wife, Hoai Thu, whose marriage reached a breaking point due to his preoccupation with work.
Late last year, Thanh’s wife, Hoai Thu, proposed divorce. “Maybe people accuse me of being stupid, when I have a husband who serves me, gives me everything I want, but I’m an emotional person, if I don’t feel connected, I don’t I can’t accept it,” she said. her husband.
Hoai Thu didn’t feel happy.
“There aren’t even weekends for your children. Meals with the whole family have become a luxury. So what’s the point of making money?” she asked her husband.
Hoai Thu’s frustration stemmed from feeling neglected and unsupported in her quest for personal growth and career advancement. Despite her initial dependence on her husband during times of scarcity, she realized that material comfort could not compensate for emotional connection and shared experiences.
Dr. Loc advocates for a paradigm shift, urging society and individuals to reevaluate traditional notions of masculinity and redefine gender roles within the family. It highlights the importance of open communication and mutual understanding to preserve marital harmony and work-life balance.
For Tung, a wake-up call came in the form of a health crisis, prompting him to reevaluate his priorities and make a concerted effort to reconnect with his family.
“I used to sell my health to make money, now I use that money to buy back my health,” he said.
*The names of some characters in the story have been changed.
